About a girl.

So I know this blog is supposed to be about boys & food... but this time I'm writing about a girl. This girl has been a very good friend for a long time. The other day I found out some great news about her and we haven't really talked in a while. I've kinda felt for a while that we've grown apart a little, but I don't think that there is anything wrong with that. In fact, I think it's great that we've become very different people. As much as it's comforting to be around people who have a lot in common, or share the same friends or hobbies as you, I think it's enriching to also surround yourself with people who are different to you, who challenge you, who aren't the same as you, who will always remind you of who you are, and where you have been.

It makes me so sad to feel like our friendship is falling apart because we don't live in the same suburb, we might not listen to the same music, our friends aren't the same, and we don't have all that much in common anymore. Isn't friendship more than that though? Especially if you've been friends for over 15 years... Don't get me wrong - I'm not blaming her. More than anything, I guess I'm blaming myself... how have I not been able to tell her this? Where did it all go wrong?

I feel left behind. I'm sad because I feel like I'm not important to her anymore. She's probably got lots of shiny new friends and doesn't really need a dull old one like me. Maybe she doesn't really know how much she means to me, because we forget to tell our friends how much we actually do love them... I miss her. I miss my old friend. I may be older and have my own life now, but I still need you as much as I ever did... I hope I get the courage to tell you, and I hope that you miss me too... x

Mmmm.... Quiche

They say the way to a man's heart is through his stomach... So, I'm trying to increase my repertoire. Yesterday, after a day at the beach I cooked this awesome quiche which is already almost gone! Cooking for one is pretty boring, but cooking for the one you love is one of the best things ever! Try this recipe... it's delicious!

Bacon, Parmesan & Zucchini Quiche

• 100g bacon, cut into small pieces
• 100g baby spinach leaves
• 1 small zucchini sliced thinly
• 50 g butter
• 4 eggs
• 3/4 cup (185ml) cream
• 1/2 cup (125ml) milk
• 1/3 cup (30g) shredded parmesan

Pastry:

2 cups plain flour

• 150g butter, chilled, cubed
• Pinch salt
• 1 egg

1. For pastry, mix flour, butter and salt in a food processor until mixture forms crumbs. Process with egg and 1-2 tbs cold water. Knead until smooth. Refrigerate covered for 10 minutes.

2. Roll pastry out between 2 sheets of lightly floured non-stick baking paper and place in 25cm (base), 3cm deep fluted loose-bottomed flan. Refrigerate for 30 minutes.

3. Heat oil in a frying pan over medium heat. Add onion and bacon. Cook 8-10 minutes or until soft. Drain on a paper towel. Place half the butter in the pan and place over medium heat until melted. Add the spinach until wilted, remove from the pan and set aside. Place the remaining butter in the pan and place on a medium heat until melted. Add zucchini and cook until soft. Remove from pan and set aside.

4. Preheat oven to 190°C. Place a tray in the oven. Line pastry with baking paper. Cover base with rice. Bake on the hot tray for 10 minutes. Remove paper and rice. Spread over spinach, bacon and onion. Whisk eggs, cream and milk together. Pour over the filling. Sprinkle over the parmesan and arrange zucchini over the top. Bake 30 minutes and serve with salad.

I love shoes?

Some close friends got married the other day. It was a beautiful ceremony and I was very honoured to be a part of their wonderful day. It got me thinking though... we live in such a fickle world. One where the word 'love' is thrown around and thrown away just as easily and carelessly. And it made me realise how afraid of the word I have come to be.

I love pork. I love eating. I love chocolates. I love food. I love the beach. I love cocktails. Easy... I

I love you? Not so easy...

No matter how much I want to say it, it scares the shit out of me. It overwhelms me. It makes me feel vulnerable. When did I become so afraid of it? I am an idealist... a romantic... hell, I am a believer. But all of a sudden I am goddamn scared. Not of love... more than anything in the world, I am ready to give it, and feel it and believe in it. But saying it... do the words really matter if every part of your being feels it? I want to be courageous like my friends, and be able to say 'I love you'... because that's the honest truth. My heart knows it, my head knows it, it is written over my whole being and across my soul. But the words are stuck in my throat... they haven't quite managed to make it much further than that. I'm afraid that I might not hear the same back. I'm afraid of getting hurt. I'm scared that I might have a big piece of spinach in my teeth or a booger hanging out of my nose and I will look like a total idiot.

Help me cyber world! How can I proclaim my love to all who take their time to read my blog, but not to the one whom I really love?

I'm BACK... Boobs? Bollocks....

It's been a while, but I'm back! And the good news is that I'm in a happy place. Turns out space and time really does help put things into perspective. And after some painful time away from the special person in my life, I think we were both able to see things in a different way. This thing called 'love' seems to be a confusing thing, but the more I learn about it, the more I see that it's more simple than I think... we just need to trust ourselves more.

I feel so fortunate to have met someone so special, someone who I can be myself around, and someone who I would not change one little bit... now or ever. And even if it all fell apart tomorrow, I've experienced something so special that the only thing I could feel would be grateful. (Okay I say that now, but I'm also allowed to cry my eyes out if heaven forbid it did.) But don't worry, this doesn't mean that my blog will be full of mush from now on! Because the journey is never over. Although I feel like I've found happiness, there are plenty of other people still searching... and if my story seems somewhat boring now, there are plenty of other people's stories to share!

One thing I will say is that I think we're all losing a bit of faith in the human race. Where is this coming from, you ask? Last night, I was having a conversation about fake boobs (if you can touch them, then they're real though... aren't they?). Now excuse me if I am speaking out of turn, or if I offend anyone, but in most cases I think fake boobs are ridiculous. Girls seem to think that if they have large juicy boobies, they will be more popular, attractive, likeable to men, etc. The most ridiculous thing though... is that in a lot of cases, they are right. So many women are insecure, and by proving them right we are just feeding their insecurity. Essentially humans all want the same thing - to feel loved and validated. Money, power, status, are all just false derivatives of the former. We all want to feel loved and validated, yet we don't love or validate ourselves enough, and we don't trust that someone else will either. Men will pay for a girlfriend's boobs, then wonder why they end up with a ball busting girlfriend. Note to the boys out there: The number one reason your girl busts your balls is because she feels INSECURE. Now don't get me wrong, I think we wouldn't be human if we didn't have insecurities... and we've all been hurt, disappointed, let down... all of the above. But how do we ever find happiness if we put no trust in our fellow man? Or ourselves for that matter?

Bruised, but not Broken...

I've been off the radar lately. Partly because I've been working hard, and partly because I've been busy hanging with a boy rather than writing about boys. Well, yet again I've been unlucky in love... So here I am, sharing my tales of woe.

I'm a person who wears my heart on my sleeve. Not ever do I do anything that I don't whole heartedly invest myself into. Sometimes it means getting hurt, but I don't think I'd have it any other way. Right now, I don't really know how I feel. Over the last couple of days I've felt sad, lost, hurt, angry, defeated... well just shit really. But I suppose it's all worth it, cause I don't think I would take any of the time back. I hate to admit it, but I really did have the time of my life over the past few months, and I can't really remember the last time I was that happy. Was it worth it? Of course. In fact I was so happy, and having so much fun, I didn't realise how much I actually cared.

People are strange creatures (boys in particular are the more curious species, I find). We're all afraid of being alone, yet we're all so afraid to let ourselves be vulnerable. We're all so strong and independent, yet all we want is for someone to love and care for us so we feel wanted and validated. We don't want to hurt, but we all want to be loved with no risk involved? Well, I don't believe in that... I've had my heart broken a few times now. But you know what? Every time I do, my heart just gets a little bigger. And I may hurt now, but at least I felt something wonderful, and exciting, and intimate, and special... and real. Even if it was only real to me.

I'm bruised, yes. It hurts that someone you care about so much, doesn't care for you in the same way. Actually, it totally sux. But I'll get over it, and I'll do it all again if I have to. I don't mind being on my own, but I'm not afraid to admit that I don't want to end up alone. I want to go through life feeling... even if it means feeling like shit sometimes. Being bruised isn't so bad, as long as you don't let it break you into someone too afraid to love again.

Blah... blah... blah...

I feel a little bit lost at the moment. I've had a pretty good run with boys, and I've been having a great time... call me hormonal, or a woman, or emotional, or human, but I'm beginning to feel a little empty. I guess I just want to love someone, and for them to love me back. I really miss that feeling of being safe with someone. As much as I love being an independent woman, I guess I feel a little bit lonely sometimes as well. I've met so many fun and amazing people on my journey so far, and making new friends and discovering myself again has been some of the best times I've ever had. But I guess I just want someone who I don't always have to be fun in front of, and someone who I can show my weaknesses to... and someone who will love me at the end, and still think the world of me, even after they've seen my tears, and how ridiculous I can be.

I'm not unhappy... I'm still having heaps of fun. I guess past all the fun and smiles and partying, you can sometimes begin to feel a little empty. I love being the person I am, and I am so grateful for the awesome people around me. Sometimes I just get a little tired, and all I want is to just be me... even if that means feeling a little sad and sorry and allowing myself to indulge in those feelings even just for a while.

Forgive me for my selfishness... but I want this blog to be as honest a representation of myself as possible. And sometimes, we all feel like poop. No matter how lucky we are, and no matter how things are going we all fall into the trap of feeling a little bit lonely. I've never really fit in anywhere... I've always been a little odd. I like it like that, it's who I am. So as well as sharing my crazy and fun journey of food and boys, I'm also sharing with you the honest part of me. Don't worry, tomorrow is a new day and I will have already talked myself into a better mood. Sometimes, all we want is for someone to listen. So thanks, I feel better already... x

Grrr... Persimmon Attack

Yikes, I'm turning into a mushy persimmon again. How did this happen? Could be that Hot Boy is so damn hot! (Hence the name) I was so fine before he came along... hahaha that's what I keep telling myself anyway! I can feel myself falling, and me being me... I just can't help but wear my heart on my sleeve. You see my problem is, that the last thing I ever want to be is a ball breaker. I'm a people pleaser... well I'd like to be anyway. And so I try to play it so cool, that maybe I don't really show how much of myself I am actually investing... It's not that I let people walk over me, but I tend to give too much then burn out. Hmmm am I sounding like a psycho now? No.. der I'm just a woman.

I went salsa dancing for the first time in ages the other night and it was so fun! I was also having a drink in a bar, and Quentin Tarantino was sitting behind me! I've been a little down lately cause I didn't get a call back for ABC 3 which I sent an audition tape in for... You can watch my video on the side bar! >>> There are so many things that I love doing. And as much as I love my job, I don't want to do it forever. I'm feeling lost and mushy and now I'm just rambling sweet nothings. So I will leave you with this crazy poem I wrote the other day... (don't hate on me cause I secretly want to be a gansta biatch)

I'm wearing my heart on my sleeve
Makes me nervous, wanna heave
Fuck this crazy heartfelt shit
I won't be nobody's bitch!
How'd I get so goddamn soft?
Wanna rip this damn sleeve off