Bruised, but not Broken...

I've been off the radar lately. Partly because I've been working hard, and partly because I've been busy hanging with a boy rather than writing about boys. Well, yet again I've been unlucky in love... So here I am, sharing my tales of woe.

I'm a person who wears my heart on my sleeve. Not ever do I do anything that I don't whole heartedly invest myself into. Sometimes it means getting hurt, but I don't think I'd have it any other way. Right now, I don't really know how I feel. Over the last couple of days I've felt sad, lost, hurt, angry, defeated... well just shit really. But I suppose it's all worth it, cause I don't think I would take any of the time back. I hate to admit it, but I really did have the time of my life over the past few months, and I can't really remember the last time I was that happy. Was it worth it? Of course. In fact I was so happy, and having so much fun, I didn't realise how much I actually cared.

People are strange creatures (boys in particular are the more curious species, I find). We're all afraid of being alone, yet we're all so afraid to let ourselves be vulnerable. We're all so strong and independent, yet all we want is for someone to love and care for us so we feel wanted and validated. We don't want to hurt, but we all want to be loved with no risk involved? Well, I don't believe in that... I've had my heart broken a few times now. But you know what? Every time I do, my heart just gets a little bigger. And I may hurt now, but at least I felt something wonderful, and exciting, and intimate, and special... and real. Even if it was only real to me.

I'm bruised, yes. It hurts that someone you care about so much, doesn't care for you in the same way. Actually, it totally sux. But I'll get over it, and I'll do it all again if I have to. I don't mind being on my own, but I'm not afraid to admit that I don't want to end up alone. I want to go through life feeling... even if it means feeling like shit sometimes. Being bruised isn't so bad, as long as you don't let it break you into someone too afraid to love again.