Fate or Fake?

Far out feelings are forlorn
For fathoming my fears
Has found me feeling frightened
Falling for a friend is not for fairytales
But furthermore can be fun
A fantasy fulfilled?
Or fizzle will it out?
Fuck!
Forever is a fearless foe
That finds me flipping out!?
Forgive my frantic phrases...
For I am firm
But flexible enough to fold
Into a fortunate femme
Who finds her feet
In a food filled feast
A fiend for the fabulous

Dating Dilemmas

Before this stint of being single, I hadn't been single in at least eight years. And unlike what people may think from reading my blog, it's not like I'm now going nuts dating every single guy I meet. In fact this whole 'dating' thing is really confusing to me. It seems the rules are very vague, lines get blurred, and where there are lines, they seem to be very fine. Being single has been great in the fact that I've been open to meeting new people, and the ones that have made a certain impact on me, I feel I want to share with you... But I don't want people to misunderstand... and think I'm being careless with people's hearts or feelings. Or that I'm whoring myself around... Maybe I've been too non-chalant about this whole thing. Maybe I've shared too much... or the wrong things? I know I've been hurt lots. Maybe I'm scared to be in a relationship again? I know that I don't want to put myself, or anyone else through the unnecessary hardship that relationships sometimes bring. Maybe I'm freaking out? Nevertheless, I know that I'm searching for more. Like we all are I suppose... Isn't that what everyone wants really? To be validated, and loved, and wanted, and to make someone really, really happy? I'm confused and I'm searching, and I don't know if I'm doing the right thing, if I'm in the right place, if I'm making a mistake or if I'm going to be alright at the end of it all... But I know I can say that I am trying honestly and openly to find the thing we're all looking for. I guess the hardest thing sometimes, is being completely honest with ourselves about what it is we actually want, and the truth about how we are going to get it... I'm on this crazy rollercoaster that is new and exciting and fun. And scary. And I want to put it down for the record that these are only snippets of my thoughts, and although they could so easily be miscontrued, sharing these thoughts with you helps me feel not so alone on this journey. And maybe, someone will totally get this and not feel so alone on their journey either...

How could I resist?

Alright, alright... so it's not fair to refer to individuals if they don't know about your blog... right? But how about the boys that are absolutely aware that they might possibly appear here??? I mean, I know that writting about boys is trouble, but when someone makes you smile as much as Mr Yummy does, then how could I not write about him? I call him Mr Yummy for the simple reason that he is totally yummy. We eat yummy food together, he is fun to be around and he makes me smile and laugh... And he is my friend. Hmmm.... when I first met him, I purposely didn't take notice of him... "What?!" You might ask... "How do you 'purposely' not notice someone?" But you know when you meet someone, and you're friends with their friends, and it could be danger territory, and you think they might not like asian girls, or whatever... and you kinda don't want to embarass yourself?... Well, as much as I tried to 'not notice' him, and as much as I tried to avoid the fact he was very appealing to the eyes... it just happened, I started spending time with him. He is too easy to be around, he makes me smile too much, and I could be thinking about him too often... But, I am determined not to turn to mush. And Mr Yummy, if you're reading this... Damn you! Those head-shells of yours totally got me ;)

Soul Mates

This is my favourite excerpt from the wonderful book 'Eat, Pray, Love' by Elizabeth Gilbert. Anyone who has truly loved and lost will understand this quote... It definitely helped me move forward and let go, and I wanted to share it :)

“People think a soul mate is your perfect fit, and that’s what everyone wants. But a true soul mate is a mirror, the person who shows you everything that’s holding you back, the person who brings you to your own attention so you can change your life. A true soul mate is probably the most important person you’ll ever meet, because they tear down your walls and smack you awake. But to live with a soul mate forever? Nah. Too painful. Soul mates, they come into your life just to reveal another layer of yourself to you, and then they leave.”

-Richard from Texas in ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ by Elizabeth GIlbert

The way to my heart...

Yes, you guessed it... is through my tummy! Seriously though, I shared a wonderful meal over the weekend with great company. There is almost nothing in the world that makes me happier! We went to 'A Tavola' in Dalinghurst, and had their delicious hand made pasta... yummmm. But honestly people, food is fantastic - particularly here in Sydney. Now, I know that it can be an intimidating experience, especially if you don't really 'dine out'. But I challenge you (for your own sake and for mine) to please, please get the hell out there and treat yourself (or your loved one) to a nice meal out. Forget the pretense and the wank, we all feel a little stupid and silly like Julia Roberts in 'Pretty Woman' the first few times we go out to dinner. Don't worry about being judged either. Otherwise, you will miss out on so many fantasic experiences that are so simple, yet stimulate every single one of the senses... And by the way, Hog's Breath, Lone Star, Hooters, etc. are not real dining experiences! Of course they serve some purpose, and there's something to be said about the novelty of six girls, with big tits, line dancing on your table on your birthday. But if you're going to be spending $50 on a meal, you might as well step out of your comfort zone and try eating something new, exciting, fresh, unusual, challenging, interesting... because if you keep an open mind, and an open mouth... ehem... I assure you, you will be pleasantly surprised.

*Photo courtesy of www.smh.com.au

Jew Boy

Okay, okay, so I said I wouldn't write about individual boys anymore. But, this boy actually wants to be in my blog! And, I'm a woman of my word, so here is my shout out to Jew Boy... He even gave himself his own blog name! So, how could I not write about him? And, he even told me what I should write about him! Hehehe... but I must draw the line there... these are my thoughts, dammit! He was even kind enough to pose for a photo with me. So ladies & gentlemen without further adieu, here is Jew Boy. A man of many talents, and single for any ladies out there! Thanks for taking me out for a boogie x

Bye-bye Boys

So I haven't posted for a little while... I've been terribly sick and feeling sorry for myself! Update... I'm finally letting go of Salsa Boy. I've realised that I am not actually a part of his world. If I bump into him, that'd be great - but I no longer consider him to be a part of my life... I'm letting go. As for Mr... Hmmm... I am continuing to hang out with him, and the more I do, the more I respect him. So, I'm also deciding to stop writing about him in my blog. Not that I've ever revealed any personal or intimate details about him... but I respect him too much to share my feelings about him to the random people who might stumble upon this blog and actuallly read it. So... what's going to happen to the 'loving' part of the blog you might ask? I will continue to write about my feelings about boys in general. But I think it's fair not to refer to anyone individually - no matter how annonymous I try to keep them. I seem to forget sometimes that boys might have feelings too! So, here's to loving, losing and learning to respect the people who you care about...

Late night rhymes...

Here's a little poem I wrote at 4am this morning when I couldn't sleep, and I had boys yet again running around in my head.... Grrrr.....

Let me stop thinking about you
Release me from your hold.
You don't even know I'm your prisoner
That I've been wrapped up, packaged and sold...
It's like you won't release me
Even though you didn't put me there
Every time I try to escape you
It's like I'm caught up in a dare
I'm just an innocent lover
Not meaning to intrude
I tried to tell my heart - not you!,
but it decided to get glued
Now I'm feeling like a school girl
All flustered, shy and sweet
But you don't even know
That you've swept me off my feet.
What started off as a cool verse
Is now reduced to mush
When once I was cool and collected
Now I'm just another crush
So brings me to the ending
With no real purpose filled
Cause I'm just another girl to you
Just my contents have been spilled...

Cheesy Boys

I can't sleep and I'm hungry! Food... Tomorrow I'm working my third double in a row... woe is me. Hehe... I feel kinda lame saying that considering the boys in the kitchen work five doubles a week. I seriously don't know how they do it...? Anyway, apart from that things have been pretty good. My mind is always still on food or boys or both. I just ate a big piece of supermarket plastic cheese. Don't ask me why, but I actually was that desperate. And boys? Well Mr definitely made up for going home after dinner the other week by taking me out to my fave restaurant! So that was great... He always seems to come up with the goods. He makes me feel calm and sane, and he was looking particularly hot! And I haven't seen Salsa Boy in a while... for some reason I am totally star struck by him. I just want to be his friend? But, I guess he's just not that into me :( I think I have to try to forget about him as someone who is a part of my life, cause frankly, I'm not part of his... Boo hoo! Oh well... I have to try to get him out of my damn head now. How does one chance encounter with someone leave you damned for a lifetime? Okay, so maybe not a lifetime... but I hardly even know him, and he is in my head everyday? Kinda like cheese... not the plastic kind though...